Desire as the Language of God, or, We Need A Forest Fire

On the Friday before I left, I woke up with a fire to do laundry and repack my bag. I didn't yet know I was leaving, but the desire to go home had been clear and present in me for awhile. I drew out the decision for as long as possible, encumbered by the ego drive to not yet "fail" at traveling for the whole year. What would it mean to give up on that dream?

An authentic, persistent desire cannot be suppressed, though. When I finally gave in, I was relieved and happy. My very sincere need for a total overhaul of my plan overcame my expectations for myself and my fear of other's perceptions. When I told my best friend I was coming back, she invited me to Portland and the thought lit up all my cells with Hell Yes. Just as clear as I'd been about going home, I was now sure of this. All the pieces slid easily into place and I made the leap into a brand new plan.

Trusting the wisdom of my desires doesn't come naturally. I'm inclined to be wary of following these calls to action. Often when an impulse or yearning arises, it doesn't make any logical sense. It's just a nebulous Knowing rooted in my gut that this is the best possible way to proceed. The inability to qualify WHY and have full knowledge of where the desire will lead is terrifying to me. Being on the road with the privilege of incredible freedom has trained me to give new credence to the intuitive genius of my gut. Having a strong sense of timing and rightness is a function of basic survival, and also the birthplace of magic. We must know when to stay and when to go, finger on the pulse of organic flow. When I hear and act on these whispers, the Why of it is often unfolded slowly, but I always find myself exactly where I need to be, when I need to be there.

Trusting in this is especially difficult when the desire is to break something. Break a lease. Break a plan. Break a habit. Break a heart. Nevertheless, if you find a deep rooted desire planted in you, you must investigate it as if it is the language of God and this is how Creator is speaking to you. If the thought of a person or an opportunity lights up all your cells with a vibrant Hell Yes, get it. If it doesn't, I ask you the same question a friend asked me years ago; "If you're not doing what you want to do, what are you doing?"

Your desire may not make logical sense. In fact, your desire may be a spark threatening to burn the whole forest down. Everything you grew and worked for, gone. However frightening this prospect may be, if it is clear and present within you it cannot be ignored. All of our choices, whether short or long term, are made only with the intelligence we have in the moment. We have to embrace that our needs may change overtime and what we desire will adjust accordingly. It's okay to change your mind and redirect your life. Sometimes it's vitally essential.

You possess an intuitive genius. It will be a compass in the wildness, leading you in every moment to that which is most true for you. The path may be revealed slowly, but step out onto it even if you shake in your boots. Sometimes our lives require a forest fire to become the most gloriously unfolded, fully expressed, joyful adventures possible. Gather your courage. Burn it all down if you have to. Do whatever it takes to live in alignment with your deepest yearnings.

Trust the language and wisdom of your desire. You know what you have to do. If you don't yet, be still and listen.

xoxo